I wish that every thought I had would come spilling out onto the pages of my staff notebook and turn intself into a brilliant song...completely effortless by me...while I slept, while I ate, while I daydreamed in class, worked out at the gym and did my homework. And then I would produce a quadruple million platinum CD and be set for life on creativity and money and I would be so happy because my entire life would just be music...that's what life should be...nothing but music.

And back to NP...how strange is life...

It's wierd how lj just suddenly hits me. I think I use it when I need it and then go through major periods in time where it does not interest me.

Maybe I feel like using it now because I miss writing (even though this isn't really serious writing, it is an opportunity for expression)...maybe it's because no matter how much I love my job I do have to admit that it makes me feel slightly lonely. It's true that I get to stop and talk with random strangers and play with their dogs and make funny faces at their children and occassaionally get impatient glares and resentful doors slamming in my face. It's not that I am saying anything bad about my job or that I am unhappy, it's just not the same as interacting with my friends and family and people in New Paltz. I am actually more satisfied with my current job situation than I have been in years, which is certainly refreshing. It's a canvassing job for Citizens Campaign for the Environment. I never really thought I'd have the skills for something like this, but I apparently do and it's turning out to be one of the best experiences I've ever had. But I need lj now to keep me in touch with my friends :)

I am currently on my annual summer reading kick, this time with a heavy emphasis on Middle Eastern Culture. I just finished reading The Kite Runner, which was disturbing and eye-opening and depressing and just absolutely intoxicating overall. It is a true work of genius. I am now on to Reading Lolita in Tehran, which I can't quite get into. The amount of literary analysis the author uses to make her point is overwhelming and bores me to tears. I hate reading OTHER peoples' analysis of works unless they're very specific and detailed critiques. I can't stand the way this particular author, however, goes about comparing literature to the Iranian culture. It bores the SHIT out of me. Oh, well. I'm going to be moving onto THREE CUPS OF TEA from there, which seems like it will be a worthwhile read. I'm looking forward to starting that book because when I can start that book it will mean I am finally done with the absolutely DREADFUL one I'm reading now.

I have not really spoken to anyone from college since being home. It's so nice to be around all the people I knew from high school again. I finally saw Jason again after the months that have passed since he and Vicki broke up.
I have not quite spent enough time with Vicki yet, but we have a number of exciting events coming up that are planned for us and with other people as well, so that will be exciting. My friend John from Coldstone should be joining us, so that will be good. I see Nita all the time and I absolutely LOOOOOVE it!!! I hung out with Natasha and Antoinette each once. Tomorrow will fix that because there's going to be a CAP party. I've only seen April and Corey once so far, and also Christian just once, right after I got out of work one night. We hung out in front of Starbucks and talked for almost an hour. It was awesome. I also see Damien almost every day after work since my office is right behind the Fountains, which is practically where he seems to live.

As far as college people go, Jess and I are planning on getting together soon. And of course I've had my fair share of opportunities to spend time with Zeal. I have not seen Sarah at all yet, and still hoping that Tryn might just at least talk to me. I've tried to make plans with Mel a few times, but Mel is totally unreachable...and I haven't spoken much to Kate, Andrea or Becca, but I really hope everyone's having an amazing summer. :)

Other than that, I feel bad that I haven't spent any time in NP with Sarah, other Sarah and Wyatt. I would have liked to do that at least once before leaving for Italy, but I don't know if that is entirely possible seeing as how I am going in three weeks and then going straight back to college from there. OMG, I can't believe how the summer is speeding past. I can't wait to be back in New Paltz, though... XD

I finally heard back from the study abroad program and found out that I will be in Italy this summer for a whole month! Woot! I am so excited. I have never been to Europe before and have dreamed of going to Italy since I was twelve...and now I am finally going!!! It has not quite sunken in yet. I'm probably not as excited as I should be, but I am pretty damn excited!!! I was reading about the courses I get to take and the language intensiveness of the program and it all sounds so good! It's going to be awesome. This is going to be the best summer of my life...absolutely amazing.

And Beltane is today!!! That's absolutely amazing, also.

Be it known that I am a big jerk...
Well, not really. I mean that in the most self-endearing way possible. But I mean it kind of like this.

Zeal has been the best boyfriend ever this weekend. He came to the Sonny Rollins concert with me and Jim, helped me get people organized for Beltane, is coming to Beltane, and I have not yet done anything to make it up to him, yet. Major rewards for Zeal on the way...I swear next year we are going to Chabad whenever we get a chance. :)

I have so much work to do but I have not done any of it yet and I am not freaking out that much, surprisingly. Go me!!! I know I'll get it done before it's all due. My math packet is due tomorrow...that I'm a little worried about but I only have two pages left in it. And then I have to revise an essay for Wednesday. I got a B on it and I'm correcting it to an A because I really need the A in that class to bring me up so I don't fail.

Oh, and I was supposed to read The Tempest for tomorrow...Oops. Nothing like Sparknotes at four in the morning, heehee ^_^

You know why I can't wait for this year to be over? So that I can go back to having a life. I feel as if I have changed too much this semester. I should have never dropped senate. That was probably a mistake. It was helping me stay grounded and focused and involved with the campus and it was something I really cared about. On the other hand it was probably a good thingbecause I didn't really like it that much and it made me feel a bit useless and I was so out of it this semester that I would have fucked it up for myself, anyway.

So, yea...it's time to get grounded again.

And in the direction of being grounded once again...I am paying off my overdraft fees to the bank today, and tomorrow I am paying off a parking ticket. Pat on the back for me. Oh, and guess what else! My car has not had any problems this semester...joy.

Second thing...finding a job for this summer? Yea, definitely need to do that. And I need to register for courses. I am going to see my advisor today. And all my homework is done, PS. I went to bed at midnight, woke up at seven thirty and did it ALL so now I am free for the rest of the day. The only thing I still need to do is read Midsummer Night's Dream and I will have all weekend for that. This is me getting back to being my EFFICIENT, RESPONSIBLE AND FOCUSED self. YaY.

But anyway, focusing on the good stuff that has happened recently. PSU went really well this semester! I am pleased about how it turned out and I am looking forward to making further improvements for the future. And I think I may have FINALLY found a house. I just have to check with Cynthia about it. Apparently my parents want to see it, also to make sure they approve. I hope they think it's okay. My dad and Zeal both think that, "It's too far awaaaaay." We shall see.

I think I may call Liz Chakan and ask her if she wants to hang out with us tonight. I haven't done anything with her in a whiiiile and I miss her a lot. I am supposed to be going out to the movies with Jimbo and Zeal tonight, and it would be nice if Liz could come, too! :)

In other news, I would like to report that all's well on the home front. My parents have stopped freaking out and are prepared to allow me to make my own decisions, meaning whatever will make me happiest! Thank you. (At least this is what they have publicly stated. We'll see if it holds, and I believe that it will).

Time to build up my self-esteem and get my ass back in gear, eh?

So, I went to the Dar Williams/Speak out last night. It was really awesome, and really motivating. I definitely want to get more involved with Democracy Matters now and start paying more attention to what's going on behind the scenes with all this. While I am definitely not in agreement with a lot of the political air right now, as most people aren't, there was still a lot that I didn't know. It definitely made me at LEAST want to get more informed, if not do more than that.

Aaaaand my father is making me come home tonight. I have hence renaimed him, "Fascist Dictator Pig." He keeps threatening to take my car away as a manner of bending my will and it's not fair. I paid for it! The only reason he can do that is because it is registered in his name...a small detail I may need to fix very soon...

Seeing Regina Spektor play on March 28th (or is it April???) at Purchase!!! It's gonna be awesome. I think I may tell my grandmother about it and see if she's interested in going. I know that sounds kind of funny, but I genuinely think she would be. She loves shows and music and she's always asking me questions about what I am listening to and Regina Spektor is pretty mellow. It would be a good show to bring a grandma to, I think, lol.

People, read my poem...

The color, it's a power color, red.
It's all consuming and outrageous, red.
These women full of angry passion, red
I don't believe that they can't understand
How they are harming all their little girls.
They get their needs met by exploiting men.
And that one woman's husband can't admit
His little girl does not know he exists.
I don't know how he puts up with that shit.
But I know I would not put up with it
The world is such a cruel and unjust place.
It's full of hatred that can't be erased.

My math class is cancelled today!!! Sweet, no? :)

Me, Zeal, Mel and Jess went skiing today. It was awesome. We had so much fun. I loved it. Granted the mountain wasn't the coolest and the conditions sucked slightly, it was still a lot of fun. We skiied for like, four hours, and then we fell asleep in the lodge and ate Chili and drank hot chocolate. I haven't gone skiing in such a long time. The mountain is also huge compared to the one I normally ski at. It had forty runs and three different sections! The place I normally ski at has like, twelve runs, lol, and only two lifts. This place was so intense and huge. It was also very commercialized unfortunately, which I thought took away from its appeal. That and the fact that it's in the middle of NJ, which most certainly does not have the nicest wintery conditions. So, overall, Mountain Creek gets a mixed review, but the day itself scores a 9 out of 10. Zeal and I crashed hard on the bus, lol. We had lots of fun skiing together and I'm really glad we got to do it. I'm really happy he came, and Jess, too. :) Unfortunately we didn't get to see Mel much because she didn't come up on the mountain, but I'm happy she came and got to experience skiing, and had a good time!